Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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