They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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