I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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