Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
