You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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