If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
