why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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