Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
