That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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