Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
