Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
