we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
