oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
