i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
