So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My penis needs a shock collar
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
