my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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