How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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