great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
