Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
