Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
