i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
