so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
