The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
