Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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