Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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