I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
