I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
