good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
