mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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