i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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