It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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