I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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