have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
