I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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