Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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