it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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