found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
