Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize