I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
