Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize