I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
