he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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