I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
