I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
