I heard we made out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
