Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
