I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
