Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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