it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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