Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
