How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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