maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
