she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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