how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
