I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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