So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This baby is an asshole
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
