Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
