dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
