Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh god it's open bar.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
