I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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