We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
