Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
