HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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