i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
