my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize