College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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