my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
