By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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