Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize