The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize