question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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