I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
