so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize