awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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