I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize