Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
