Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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