I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize