i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
