I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Never joke about your clitoris.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize