Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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