I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
