p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
