and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
