No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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