dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
