Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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