Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My balls are so social today.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
