Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
